Suicide Prevention - My Story

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Today is World Suicide Prevention day (10th September). Suicide prevention remains a universal challenge. Every year, suicide is among the top 20 leading causes of death globally for people of all ages. It is responsible for over 800,000 deaths, which equates to one suicide every 40 seconds.

Every life lost represents someone’s partner, child, parent, friend or colleague. For each suicide approximately 135 people suffer intense grief or are otherwise affected. This amounts to 108 million people per year who are profoundly impacted by suicidal behaviour. 

Suicidal behaviour includes suicide, and also encompasses suicidal ideation and suicide attempts. For every suicide, 25 people make a suicide attempt and many more have serious thoughts of suicide.

I am part of that statistic, I’m not proud of that in fact I’m ashamed; and in order to relieve my shame, I am trying to LIVE my life in order to prevent me and others becoming part of the ongoing statistic.

I’m often asked “what made you try?”, “why when you have so much to enjoy?” and “How could you leave behind what you have?”. The answer now is I honestly don’t know but the answer when I was attempting to take my own life was because I was so utterly miserable, wracked with pain and completely focussed on believing that DEAD I would be better and in no pain and all around me would be better off without me.

So what am I doing?

I am trying to live my life using 5 ways to wellbeing:

Connecting with the people around ME: my family, friends, colleagues and neighbours. Spending time developing these relationships, I have a season ticket to go to the football with my son, I’m spending more time with my wife, doing the things we like, going to the beach, gigs and date nights. I have got involved in my other son’s cricket team and help out when I can as well as giving My Little Soldier grief when playing.

Being active, I’m failing at this in the sense that I am not out running and taking up sport. But I do spend a lot of time outdoors, dog walking and pottering around the garden. If you had of asked me 2 years ago about my garden, I would have been contemplating concreting it all and painting it green. Now I am constantly, pruning, watering and planting.

Learning new skills to give me a sense of achievement and confidence. I’m gardening, about to attend a counselling course, completing lots of DIY, reading and developing myself as a better person.

Giving to others, I think I have done okay at this in the past, I like being generous; however, I have endeavoured to do something every day making it part of my daily schedule. A smile, a word of encouragement, going above and beyond to improve the lives of the students I give advice to and helping to run a HAPPY CAFÉ in the town where I live.

Being mindful, this has been hard, we never, me included, stop and take things in, and I am trying and succeeding to do this, with welcome results. I have seen and spotted things that I didn’t know existed; signs, landmarks, wildlife, people, myself. I question my thoughts with why and stop those I don’t need and think more about what I do, resulting in being generally more aware of how I am feeling.

I’m a long way from where I was on the evening of the 13th April 2018; when I sat with a bunch of pills and tried to end my life. It has been a haunting struggle, and without my supportive and loving Friends & Family around me and letting go of the things that hurt, I wouldn’t be here now.

I’m thankful for that and will do all I can to ensure it doesn’t happen again.

Love
Bruce

#WorldSuicidePreventionDay
#SuicidePrevention  
#WSPD2019
#WSPD


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